When I was a kid I worked as a sort of IT guy for a small tool and die shop. I basically kept all their printers working, updated drivers, installed software, etc. Down on the shop floor there was a guy everyone called Big Kevin. I don’t think anyone except whoever cut the paychecks knew his last name. He even introduced himself to new people as Big Kevin. Big Kevin is literally a walking, living version of Homer Simpson. He looks just like him, from the build, to the couple strands of combed over hair and the beer gut. He is a generally happy person, with a huge vacant grin slapped on his face most of the time, but he can fly off into a rage at the drop of a hat too and can barely complete one sentence without swearing.
I would not be surprised to find out Matt Groening knew Big Kevin at some point. The similarities are endless, here’s just a few things I remember:
*Once he almost died trying to retrieve a Dorito that had fallen inside a running die stamp machine.
*His job was basically a button pusher, he put plastic into a machine, pushed a button and waited, yet somehow there were productivity issues and delays coming from his part of the process on a daily basis.
*Much like a disruptive student, at one point his machine was moved to the far corner of the shop to “stop him from distracting other machinists by talking to them”
*Once the owner of the company gave Big Kevin a ride home – I think his car broke or he lost his license, I forget – but the owner was surprised to find that Big Kevin somehow lived in a better neighborhood than the company’s owner and had a bigger house. When asked how he afforded to live there, he said something like “its a good economy and tax returns, I dunno.” Our boss referenced [this Simpsons episode](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIykr9hx208) constantly after that, saying he was “Grimey” – fighting for everything he had and somehow Big Kevin had things going better for him.
*Big Kevin would destroy the bathroom when he used it, it got so bad that most of the shop workers were coming upstairs to use the office bathroom if he had used it that day.
*Once Big Kevin’s car smelled bad, and after a week he found a bag of uneaten Taco Bell he’d forgotten about in the back seat.
*One day after work, a coworker observed Kevin doing a U-turn in one of those highway turn arounds that cops used. The next day he called him in a fake voice and said they were coming to give him a ticket. Big Kevin burst into our offices asking us to hide him because the police were coming for him. They strung him along like this for a week, he even stayed home to avoid the “cops” one day.
*Any unattended, uneaten food was immediately consumed by Big Kevin in no more than 3 huge bites usually.
I wish I could remember more, I as sure wherever Big Kevin is, he is either still cluelessly doing great in life…or was crushed trying to retrieve another Dorito..