The Bachelor Recap: Colton May Not Love Demi Back, but America Does

The Bachelor Episode 6 picked up where we left off following last week’s cliffhanger, with Colton angry about Onyeka and Nicole’s distracting fight. Chris Harrison came over to him and probably said “time to dump both of these girls,” so he did. There were seven roses and nine girls going into the rose ceremony. “Give your brother a hug for me, OK?” Colton said as Nicole was leaving. Remember, Nicole’s brother has autism.

Then it was off to Vietnam. “It would be the perfect place to have my first 1-on-1 date,” Demi said, foreshadowing that it wasn’t going to happen. And with hometowns right around the corner, the ladies who hadn’t had 1-on-1s knew this week was make or break. And Hannah G. got it. Whomst else would it be? They went to a spa and laid under banana leaves in their bathing suits. Colton said she looked like a sushi roll. “I would eat that sushi roll.” Ew.

Back at the hotel, Caelynn said that Hannah G. has relied on her looks her whole life and doesn’t seem to have much depth, which watching the show seems to back up. But, um…

During dinner, Colton and Hannah G. agreed that the best part of their date was taking a shower. We do know how much Colton loves showers. Hannah G. said opening up was “not [her] jam.” OK. She talked about her parents’ divorce. Hannah G.’s dad loved his yard, and her mom drove across the yard when she was moving out. Colton’s parents are divorced, too. They’re bonded now.

The group date started with watching Colton pretend to do martial arts. Hannah B. was pretty good the martial art they were doing! Demi was not. Chris Harrison did play-by-play on the martial arts tournament with the host of The Bachelor Vietnam. Send some Bachelor Vietnam people to be on The Bachelor next season! That would shake things up! Demi was tired of being on group dates, so she took her anger out during her fight with Katie. It was kinda scary! We’re at the point in the season where group dates are not fun for anyone anymore.

During the cocktail party, Tayshia and Katie were each like “I like you,” and Colton was like “I like you too.” I don’t know, man. I got kinda bored and didn’t really pay attention because it’s clear neither of them are going to make it to the final two and I don’t have room to invest emotionally in what they have to say.

Sydney got confrontational, like “how come you haven’t taken me on a 1-on-1?” Colton was like “Every relationship is different.” He said he would try to get there with her. But who cares about that, because Colton and Demi called Demi’s mom, who JUST GOT OUT OF FEDERAL PRISON!!!!! Damn.

Sydney came back to Colton and said “I need more.” Colton said “I don’t have it all figured out.” Sydney told him he was making the “easier choices” with girls he was choosing and not going for people who would be down for him in the long run, which is her, duh. And then SHE broke up with HIM. She said she was going home. I think unlike Elyse, Sydney understands how the show works, it just isn’t for her. She showed some real backbone saying “this isn’t working for me, so I’m gonna go.” Respect. Tayshia got the group date rose.

Kirpa got the second 1-on-1. It didn’t really matter what happened with Colton and her, because Kirpa obviously isn’t going to be around past next week. So really this date should be thought of as Kirpa’s Bachelor in Paradise audition. And I think she got the part, because she seems cool and fun to hang out with. She used to be engaged to a guy who was saving himself for marriage. There’s for sure more to that story than we got on the show. But, again, Kirpa will be gone soon, so this whole date was basically filler, even though she got a rose.

After the date, Demi went to talk to Colton in his hotel room. She said she was falling in love with him. Colton said he appreciated that, but he didn’t think he could get there with her. They both handled it better than I would have expected. Until she said he’s going to pick someone who seems like the safe choice and he’s not going to be happy in the long run, then I was like “hmm.” Sydney said something very similar. Who are they talking about? “Being hurt is the story of my life,” Demi said. “No one has ever loved me back.” Aw, Demi. America loves you back.

Katie got sent home during the rose ceremony. So since last week’s rose ceremony got rolled over into this week, there were five eliminations in this episode. A bloodbath. Katie warned him “be smart about those girls,” because not all of them are ready to get engaged. WHO! ARE! THEY! TALKING! ABOUT? Colton was like “Demi’s gone. What am I missing?” Tayshia said someone’s going to have to spill the tea. Until next week!

The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC. It’s available to stream on Hulu.

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